Characters:
Walter Graves
Girl
¥
Grampa
Wifey
Kieth
Narrator:
April 30, 1840
Right Page:
Here begins the journal of China Town, formerly a banker. Tomorrow we leave Independence behind to begin our journey west to Willamette Valley. We must still purchase the supplies that our Conestoga wagon will hold to sustain us during our long trek.
I hope that my skill in commerce/trade will prove of some value.
Entry:
My Page
I'm gonna make it to Africa, 'f its the last thing I do!
Narrator:
May 1, 1840
Took advantage of the package deal offered to me. What a relief not to have to shop for all that individually!
Purchased 10 boxes of 20 bullets, 10 25-lb. kegs of gunpowder, 5 10-lb. sacks of shot, 3 rifles, 3 shotguns.
Purchased 1 wagon cover.
Purchased 2 8-oz. jars of aloe vera, 3 8-oz. bottles of alum, 4 16-oz. bottles of ammonia, 2 4-oz. bottles of calomel.
Purchased 3 gallon jugs of whiskey.
Purchased 3 horses, 3 mules, 3 oxen, 3 chickens, 1 milk cow, 3 pigs.
Purchased 2 5-lb. tins of biscuits.
Purchased 5 16-oz. bottles of brandy.
Purchased 1 horse, 1 mule, 1 ox, 1 chicken, 1 pig.
Purchased 3 boxes of 20 bullets, 2 25-lb. kegs of gunpowder.
Purchased 4 4-oz. bottles of sarsaparilla, 4 4-oz. bottles of spearmint, 3 8-oz. bottles of witch hazel.
Purchased 4 20-lb. sacks of potatoes, 3 pounds of salt pork, 1 30-lb. keg of vinegar.
Purchased 1 ax, 1 fishing net, 1 fishing pole, 1 fishing spear, 2 hunting knives, 1 saw, 1 shovel.
Purchased 1 frying pan, 1 pot, 1 shovel.
Purchased 1 pistol.
Purchased 1 small farmwagon.
Purchased 1 milk cow.
Purchased 1 horse, 1 mule, 1 ox.
Entry:
My Page
Well today we go on a shopping spree. Me and Grampa are talkin about who we think should be elected as captain. I told him that he's got until morning. I got him believin I'm gonna elect his ass. When he finds out I won, I'm gonna ride his ass.
I'm gonna fetch me one of them there chinese ladies when we reach Africa soon. Oh! I can't wait ta beat her.
Well, we're finally leaving. I'm so glad I shot my wife back home. She'd never let me go.
Narrator:
May 2, 1840
A chicken died today.
Entry:
We hadn't even left town yet and a chicken died! Oh god why! Now I have t' listen to Girl cry all the time cuz her damn bird jumped in front of my wagon somehow.. Cuz I kicked it good heh heh…I tried tellin' 'er that shit like this happens. But I ended up havin to bust her in her eye agin, b'cuz her cryin is unbearable. Even ¥ is getting annoyed with her.
Narrator:
May 4, 1840
Nothing happened.
Entry:
We decided to break down and camp a few feet just beyond the borders of the town, just to see if we'd survive the night. Grampa has been huggin his rifle kinda eerily. The election hasn't begun yet, at least No one has tol' me who had won yet. I reckon if I don't win I'm gonna have to kill somebody.
Narrator:
May 7, 1840
A sudden thunderstorm caught us on the trail. I decided it is best to continue as usual.
Entry:
God damn if I let a few lightnin bolt's stop me from venturin on past this town. I'm tired of all my family cryin cuz they'z all wet now.
Narrator:
May 9, 1840
Saw eagles today near Blue River. What majestic creatures!
Decided to ford the river.
We swamped the wagon in the river and lost 10 pounds of bacon; 3 pounds of cheese; 4 pounds of coffee beans; 1 10-lb. sack of cornmeal; and various other items.
A very sad day, ¥ has died of internal injuries. We will continue immediately.
Entry:
That no good for nothin ¥ turns out to be a yella' bellied coward. We tip over in the river, and he ends up dead. What a disgrace. I'm ashamed to have named him ¥, even Girl's laughin at him.
Narrator:
May 11, 1840
Girl came down with a bad cold, and I decided to continue as usual.
Today we saw Westport. What a sight!
Entry:
What's a "Bad Cold" I say she's just about as yella' as her brother ¥. If she makes it past tomorrow I'm gonna beat the shit out'a her for pretendin to be "sick."
Narrator:
May 12, 1840
Entry:
Well, we' leavin this good f'nothin town which I'll name Shitville, it smelled terrible and all the women were ugly. I hopin that Africa will be different.
...Oh man did Girl get it!
Narrator:
May 13, 1840
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 5 pounds of meat.
Entry:
God dammit. Girl must'a scared dem off wit' her ugliness. I swear I hope she dies soon.
Narrator:
May 15, 1840
Arrived at Westport, despite some “help” from Nicholas J. Tillman.
Entry:
I can't help but think I been here before!
Narrator:
May 16, 1840
Terrible fog during the early part of the day. We chose to continue as usual.
Entry:
Who needs eye sight when you have horses? They's smart enough to stop if theres trouble afoot. Girl's been bitchin again, so I had to put her in the chicken cage.
Narrator:
May 17, 1840
Reached Blue River about noon--about time!
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
Entry:
Holy Tarnations! either there are 2 Blue River's or we have dun did Crossed the Earth! Grampa says that we turned around somewhere. But I reckon he's a moron, and last I checked, I don't listen to morons.
Narrator:
May 18, 1840
We swamped the wagon in the river and lost 12 pounds of bacon; 1 box of 20 bullets; 1 pound of cheese; 1 10-lb. sack of cornmeal; 1 5-lb. tin of crackers; and various other items.
Keith has suffered some cuts and abrasions. We'll continue as usual.
Got a late start; passed Independence.
Entry:
Well golly. That ol' timer was right after all! we did turn around. Unless there is another town called Independence.
Who da fuck is an abrasion anyway? God the words that come out of kids mouth's sometimes!
Ol' Keith is fine, he hasn't said much since the incident. I tol’ him t’ walk it off, and now he's been limpin all ove' the place like he's injured or somethin'.
I tell ya' These are the laziest buncha scraps I've ever had to work with in my life!
Narrator:
May 20, 1840
Keith has cuts and abrasions. We're going to clean and dress the wounds.
The trail's flooded. We had to try to ford through the water.
Entry:
He's been cryin like a li'l girl all day, so I made Girl wash him up all pretty like, since he wants to be a girl so damn bad.
Narrator:
May 21, 1840
Passed Blue River today.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
Entry:
Well, Tar nations. Y'know what they say.. Third times the charm. everybody looks at me like a fool. But I tell ya' They's da fool's
Narrator:
May 22, 1840
We lost 1 8-oz. bottle of alum; 16 pounds of bacon; 3 pounds of cheese; 2 pounds of coffee beans; 1 10-lb. sack of cornmeal; and various other items when our wagon became swamped in the river.
Entry:
Eh, I can't help but ask myself.. "What went wrong?" Maybe Ol' Grampa's gettin tired of this trip already, in hopes that he kills us, and finds his way back home. I tell ya.. I'm gonna beat that good for nothin' coward 'f its the last thing I do.
Narrator:
May 23, 1840
I just learned that Keith has an infection. I decided to apply antiseptic to wound.
Sang and told stories around the noon campfire near Westport.
Entry:
Turn's out that Ol' Keith really was injured afta all. I sure hope its not too late to heal his self.
...You don't even wanna know what Stories I was talkin' 'bout. Girl hasn't spoken in hours...
Narrator:
May 25, 1840
We rested a while not far from New Santa Fe.
Entry:
Never been dun here before. I reckon this town aint nothin but savages! They should all be slaves! I don't even know 'em and I hate 'em. So how could anyone who kno' 'em like 'em?
Narrator:
May 28, 1840
Terrible fog during the early part of the day. We chose to continue as usual.
Entry:
Damn dat fog crap! I say it' nothin but Girl's bitchin that makes this weather so terrible. I sure hope these horses know where' they're goin.
Narrator:
May 29, 1840
We came upon a portion of the trail that was flooded, and had to try to ford through the water.
We tipped the wagon and lost 1 8-oz. bottle of alum; 11 pounds of bacon; 3 pounds of coffee beans; 2 10-lb. sacks of cornmeal; and various other items.
Entry:
How was I supposed to know that a Flood could be that deep? I hadn't even seen a river that deep before! I swear Grampa's playin us the fool. He's been laughin about it all day.
...I' gonna get 'em..
Narrator:
May 30, 1840
We came upon a portion of the trail that was flooded, and had to try to ford through the water.
As expected, we made it to Lone Elm today.
Entry
That flood was nothin but a Puddle! I tell ya. that Ol' Timer needs an eye exam, so I gave him a good'in. He's been cryin' cuz I made his eye all black and blue. But I tell ya' I say him bitchin' 'll just make it worse.
Lone Elm. Lets just forget I ever dun been here before'.
Narrator:
June 1, 1840
We came upon a portion of the trail that was flooded, and had to try to ford through the water.
Entry:
Hah yeah! I showed that flood who's boss!
Narrator:
June 4, 1840
Went gathering. We found edible Asparagus shoots, edible Black Mustard greens, edible Blue-bead Clintonia berries and edible Sunflower seeds.
Entry:
...I made Girl go pick it by herself. I'm surprised she knew what Asparagus was.. Even ol' Grampa was impressed. Keith hasn't said much in a while.. But I'm sure he's as shocked as I am too.
Narrator:
June 5, 1840
Found ourselves at Blue Mound this day. Got a nasty splinter in my thumb, but extracted it without too much difficulty.
Entry:
Damn this hurts like a bitch! I've been complainin for someone to help me for the last few hours, it really hurts! I wonder why Keith has been givin me that strange "I'm gonna kill you" look all a sudden. What I do? What I do?
Narrator:
June 6, 1840
A severe thunderstorm made travel difficult today. We figured we would continue as usual.
Girl suffered a concussion. We're trying to continue as usual.
Entry:
I figured we could make it through these Lightnin bolts. But it seems that Girl doesn't know when not to horse around. Why the fuck did she even try jumpin on the back of one of them horses?
What's this word.. concussion?" I reckon its just her bein a coward is all.
Narrator:
June 8, 1840
Passed the hundred mile mark today.
Entry:
Finally, I get some recognition for my task. 100 miles. And only 12,000 to go. Everyones a bunch of damn fools. Grampa is bein mighty suspicious as of late..
Narrator:
June 9, 1840
The animals are exhausted and can't continue. I've decided to stop and rest awhile.
Entry:
Well Tarnations! damn animals. I swear they're all against me! Every damn one of 'em. I had to put one down last night, by gunshot to the head.
The last thing I need 'round these parts is Mutiny..
Narrator:
June 12, 1840
We stopped along the trail to hunt. Shot 1238 pounds of meat. We obtained 219 pounds of meat.
Entry:
Damn kids didn't "wanna pick up the rest" of the food. They're all savages I tell ya! Savages. Every last one of em! I go work hard on huntin food for my family, an' they throw it away!
But damn! Did I shoot those critters good!
Narrator:
June 13, 1840
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
Narrator:
June 14, 1840
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
Heard news of a murder and hanging last night near Kansas River. Enough to send shivers down one’s spine.
Decided to ford the river.
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
We lost 1 8-oz. bottle of alum; 18 pounds of bacon; 3 boxes of 20 bullets; 4 pounds of cheese; 2 pounds of coffee beans; and various other items when our wagon became swamped in the river.
Entry:
"Ohh! its so hot!" "Ohh! lightning!" "Oh! ¥" "Oh! Keith"
I tell ya. This entire trip thus far has been nothin but a list of Complaints!
I thought maybe I could Ford this time for sure!
Narrator:
June 15, 1840
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
Entry:
How many time's duz I have to put up with them complainin about the Heat? Them Savages lived here afore us. I ain't eve' heard no 'omplaints from dem.
Narrator:
June 16, 1840
Keith has a bad case of food poisoning. I decided to continue as usual.
Entry:
Since when do ya' get "Food Poisoning?" Who ever heard of Food Poisoning anybody? I telll ya.. These kids and their drugs and loud music..
Narrator:
June 17, 1840
Bad storm today--rain, wind, and lightning something fierce! We decided to continue as usual.
Entry:
Oh Booh Hoo! some rain and flash of lights. I tell ya.. I'm gettin ready to boot all these people off this wagon if its the last thing I do!
Why aren't we in Africa yet?
Narrator:
June 18, 1840
A mighty severe thunderstorm came up. We’re going to continue as usual.
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
Entry:
First rain. Now heat. Damn that Girl and her complaint's aint makin nothin' but God angry I tell ya.
Narrator:
June 19, 1840
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
Narrator:
June 20, 1840
As expected, we made it to Red Vermillion River today.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
Entry:
Holy Tarnations! I did it! I did it!
What you expect me to give credit to them other cowards? They all laughed at me. I knew I'd ford this river. I tell ya. I knew it!
Narrator:
June 22, 1840
Grampa has a bad cold. We're going to continue as usual.
Girl came down with a bad cold, and I decided to continue as usual.
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
Saw a small, foul-looking pool of water near Scott Spring. Could be poison; I prevented our animals from drinking it.
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
Entry:
Good I hopin that they's gets what they all deserve for bein so whiney! and Grampa's been holdin that gun pretty close now adays..
Damn Girl has been swimming in that puddle for hours though. I hope she catches Typhoid soon.
Narrator:
June 23, 1840
Will Smith came down with a bad cold, and I decided to administer vinegar.
Entry:
If that don't hush him up I don't know what Will.
Where the fuck has Will been?
I told Grampa and Girl thatif they duzn't quit Cryin I'm gonna bust 'em in they eye!
Narrator:
June 24, 1840
We stopped along the trail to hunt. 500 pounds of meat killed. We obtained 169 pounds of meat.
Entry:
Damn family, still too lazy to help me hunt for dinner.
Narrator:
June 25, 1840
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
Narrator:
June 26, 1840
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
The mosquitoes are driving us crazy, keeping us awake at night. We must continue.
The trail brought us to Alcove Spring today.
Stopped at noon near Big Blue River and rested from our morning’s labors.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
Entry:
Damn misquito's! Damn every last one of them! I hope they get Grampa good...
Well I'll be.. I dun did made it across the river again! I dun did it!
Narrator:
June 28, 1840
Entry:
A whole lotta nothin happened this day. I drank some of my whiskey, and everythin else is a blur..
Narrator:
July 2, 1840
A chicken died today.
A severe hailstorm struck today. I reckon we'll continue as usual.
Entry:
We buried the Chicken, we named it Foxy, in hopes that it would ease Girl's bitchin, but now she's cryin all over again...
Why couldn't that hailstorm have knocked Girl out?
Narrator:
July 3, 1840
The weather turned mighty hot, so we’re planning to continue as usual.
It's mighty hot today. We’re going to continue as usual.
Narrator:
July 4, 1840
Keith has a bad cold. We're going to continue as usual.
Today is Independence Day and we've decided to continue.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We did not have any luck.
Entry:
Argh! Keith is annoying! He's always complainin about his stomach hurtin, first it was these "abrasions" and now a "cold" whatever that is. Everyone seems to be "getting one" It's really eery I tell ya!
Who needs Independence? We left that town long long ago.
Narrator:
July 7, 1840
Grampa suffered a sprain. We'll continue as usual.
Entry:
He's fakin it. We all know it.
Narrator:
July 9, 1840
Saw The Narrows, sight is most reassuring.
Entry:
Damn Ugly if ya ask me. Aint nothin what it looks like in the Pictures. It smells really bad here. I tell ya, nothin but trouble a head. Nothin but trouble.
Narrator:
July 10, 1840
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 190 pounds of meat.
Narrator:
July 15, 1840
Encamped a while near “The Coast of Nebraska”.
Narrator:
July 16, 1840
Girl has a bad cold. We're going to continue as usual.
Entry:
There she goes with her "Cold" agin. I tell ya, she's gonna get it soon...
Narrator:
July 20, 1840
A milk cow died today.
Entry:
What a tragic day... That cow never complained a day in its life! 'n fo' that.I think Grampa shot in the head 'cuz he's all Jealous like..
Narrator:
July 22, 1840
Mr. Tillman claims it's the Oregon Territory up ahead, but the guidebook says it's Plum Creek.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 6 pounds of meat.
Entry:
This Tillman, lemme tell ya. I feel like beatin the hell out of this person. Actin all "hoidy toidy rich guy" on us. Sounds like he's tryin to make me quite the fool. I tell ya. We's goin to Africa, not this.. Oregon.. Whoever heard of Oregon 'afore? I hope this Tillman gets eatin by a bear before the next time I seee him. I swear I gunna bust his jaw.
Narrator:
July 24, 1840
Girl has pneumonia. I've decided to continue as usual.
Entry:
Girl gets pneumonia? What the hell is "pneumonia?" Sounds like some sort of crack. I tell ya I beat her so bad when I found out she was takin drugs, even Will Smith and Grampa is lookin at me in fear.
Narrator:
July 25, 1840
Girl has pneumonia. I've decided to continue as usual.
Entry:
I still don't believe this Hocus Pocus everyone's talkin 'bout.
Narrator:
July 27, 1840
A very sad day, Girl has died of pneumonia. We will continue immediately.
Entry:
Good Riddens! I only hope that Grampa's next. He's been eye'in me all funny like. Keith, and Will stopped talkin to me all together.
I 'ginnin to think they all plo'in agains' me. I didn't give her a burial.. She was only 5. Hardly even a person yet.
Narrator:
July 28, 1840
Narrator:
July 31, 1840
Dreadful thunderstorm today. I figured it was best to continue as usual.
Entry:
I thought maybe Girl dyin' would bring an end to this bad weathe' So I guessin' that it's all Grampa's fault now. So we all's beatin him today.
Narrator:
August 1, 1840
Traveled past O’Fallon’s Bluffs this afternoon.
Entry:
What an ugly site! Nothin but grass! such a waste for industry..
Narrator:
August 2, 1840
Narrator:
August 3, 1840
Dreadful thunderstorm today. I figured it was best to continue as usual.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We did not have any luck.
Entry:
Damn animal's. Girl must'a been out there. I knew she was fakin it! When I find her.. I' gonna put one o' dem bullets in her eye.
Narrator:
August 4, 1840
The mosquitoes on this stretch of the trail are most bothersome. We will continue.
Entry:
Will's bitchin about "misquitoes" ag'in. I tell ya'. They have not dun did bother'd me at all.. So I told him to go walk it off.. And we left'd without him. He's been runnin after us for days.
Narrator:
August 7, 1840
Passed the five hundred mile mark today.
Entry:
I tell ya.. I don't have any hope's no mores. Grampa' and the other's are praisin', I tell ya I had to bust him in his eye ag'in for bein so foolish like.
Narrator:
August 8, 1840
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We did not have any luck.
Entry:
I 'ginnin to think that Ol' Grampa' has been playin' with my gun ag'in. I gonna get 'em.
Narrator:
August 9, 1840
Today we have traveled for 100 days.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We did not have any luck.
Entry:
I thought I had dun fixed my gun. But Ol' Grampa's been laughin suspiciously all a sudden.
I tell ya. 100 days more and I'll be in Africa. I can only see it now.
Narrator:
August 10, 1840
Broke an ox yoke today. We will try to repair it.
We were unable to make the repair.
We were able to replace it from supplies.
Entry:
I made Keith do it, since he's been complainin about "bein injured" all the time. If he was injured.. We wouldn't be movin' now would we?
Narrator:
August 11, 1840
Every day our journey comes closer to its end. Today we made it to South Platte River.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
We tipped the wagon and lost 7 pounds of bacon; 3 pounds of coffee beans; 1 10-lb. sack of dried beans; 1 5-lb. sack of dried fruit; and various other items.
Entry:
I thought I could make it for sure! I only hope that Grampa breaks his damn neck next time. He's been laughin at me all day!
Narrator:
August 13, 1840
Rested for a time near Ash Hollow.
Entry:
I tell ya' I made Keith and Will fix me up some cookin' I swear they both dun know what they's doin! I tol' them I wanted some of that there "Bacon" we have so much of. I swear they made it so gritty I nearly choked Will to death!
Narrator:
August 17, 1840
Saw a small, foul-looking pool of water near Courthouse and Jail Rocks. Could be poison; I prevented our animals from drinking it.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 225 pounds of meat.
Entry:
I pushed Ol' Willie in the water tho! He's all scared like! I got 'em Good!
I got that Bear good! I shot him right in his eye! I had like 5000 pounds worth of food! 'n Keith is too lazy to go and get what I couldn't get. So I put that Bear head above his "restin' bed" I hopin' it come's alive and eats 'em!
Narrator:
August 18, 1840
After much travail, we came to Chimney Rock.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. 737 pounds of meat killed. We obtained 229 pounds of meat.
Entry:
737 Pounds! I can't believe it! I shot that them there Buffalo but good! but my family too lazy ta' go fetch it! so I had to let it rot there like ol' Girl and ¥ did.
Narrator:
August 19, 1840
Will Smith came down with a bad cold, and I decided to continue as usual.
Entry:
What's this. Now he's complainin! I woopt him like no t'morro'
Narrator:
August 22, 1840
Went gathering. We found edible Arrowhead roots, poisonous Snow-on-the-mountain leaves, edible Yellow Pond Lily tubers and edible Currants.
Entry:
I tell ya' Ol' Grampa sure know's how to pick them there "Plant's!"
Narrator:
August 23, 1840
Keith has food poisoning, and we're planning to continue as usual.
Entry:
Ol’ Willie Just complainin' cuz Ol' Grampa duzn't know how to cook all good no more! but Don't worry, I put the beat down on Grampa for good.. He's been keepin that rifle all close now..
I reckon. Ol Will is just a li'l cry baby. He's been whining alll day about his "tummy" He's a grown man.. He can take 'are of 'imself! Haven't.. seen him in a few hours.. I wonder where he dun did go off to!
Narrator:
August 25, 1840
Found a clean, well-formed ox skull a short ways from Laramie River; tempted to take it with me, but decided against it.
Decided to ford the river.
We swamped the wagon in the river and lost 1 coffee mill; 1 5-lb. sack of dried fruit; 1 box of matches; 1 pound of pemmican; 1 tin cup; and various other items.
Encamped a while near Fort William.
Entry:
We found Will when we reached the Laramie River. He was all swimmin in it like Ol' Girl used to swim in the swimmin hole' back home. 'Afore I shot my wife in her head.
I thought'd for sure! that we'd make it this time! I had that.. "Gut.. instinct" But Owell, I hope that Will hurt his self good f' bein such a baby about ev'thin.
I tell ya' That fort aint nothin' but Cowards. They's all "Hoidy Toidy rich guy" stuff. I dun there like their kind.
Narrator:
August 26, 1840
Traded 2 pairs of shoes for 1 rocking chair.
We spotted a group of strangers and decided it would be best to approach them.
We talked to them.
A thief stole 5 pounds of bacon; 3 sets of clothing; 2 pairs of socks; 1 tin cup; 1 10-lb. sack of shot; and various other items from our wagon. I decided to search for the thief.
We did not find the thief or our supplies.
Found ourselves at Register Cliff this day. Got a nasty splinter in my thumb, but extracted it without too much difficulty.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We did not have any luck.
I accidentally got shot. I decided to continue as usual.
Entry:
Woo! I got meself a rockin' chair! It's all comfy I be writin in it now! It's like I'm movin.. But I'm sittin.. Everyone's nothin but Jealous now!. I got Grampa lookin at me' cuz his' back's all hurtin. I tell ya' He aint nothin but a moron!
Will's all complainin that he dun have no more socks of his! I beat him ove' the head with my shovel I told him to go find it his self if he dun did wanted it back so damn bad.
He came back, wit' Nothin! I tell ya he aint nothin but a coward!
Narrator:
August 27, 1840
We lost a chicken today.
Entry:
What the hell…? I got shot the other' day I knew Grampa were gonna do it soon! they all's decided to go on without me! I knew there was Mutiny afoot!
oH but they's all cryin about a "chicken" I be sayin to them that they nothin but fools!
Narrator:
September 3, 1840
I just learned that I have an infection. I decided to clean and dress wound.
Entry:
I don't know why but Will insisted that I just have it "cleaned" I wanted t' treat it. But they all just seem to want me dead! I tell ya. I gonna get 'em soon!
Narrator:
September 4, 1840
Saw a mountain lion not far from North Platte River.
Decided to ford the river.
We lost 1 8-oz. jar of aloe vera; 4 pounds of bacon; 1 pound of coffee beans; 1 rifle; 1 10-bar box of soap; and various other items when our wagon became swamped in the river.
Entry:
I thought for sure I could dun make this river! But I guess I was wrong again! OL Grampa's been bitchin about it all day! I’ gonna beat him upside his head!
Narrator:
September 6, 1840
Felt somewhat weary today. Passed Emigrant Gap.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 3 pounds of meat.
Entry:
I tell ya.. My wound is hurtin real bad like! I aint felt this pain in a long time! Keith is lookin at me like he gonna kill me again. and Will lookin at me tha' same too. I tell ya they not care for me anymore.
Narrator:
September 9, 1840
Reached Independence Rock.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 7 pounds of meat.
Entry:
I hope that rock dies soon! I dun did shot that rock but good!
I also put a hurt on a few squirrels I tell ya I made Keith and Will all eat it. While I had myself some of that nice 'tater salad. They all's gettin it now! I had to give Grampa anothe' black eye for tryin to bitch about how I get the better of everythin I tell ya he aint nothin but a sack o' crap.
Narrator:
September 11, 1840
Heard some gunfire in the distance near Split Rock. Much concern all
around.
Entry:
I shot that mother fucker Mr. Tillman in the back of his head cuz he walked passed my wagon with that stupid jerkface grin on his face.
I got him good!
Narrator:
September 13, 1840
Rested for a time near Sweetwater River.
Decided to ford the river.
We tipped the wagon and lost 1 8-oz. jar of aloe vera; 1 pair of socks; 1 chicken.
Entry:
I thought I could make it for sure! It was only a foot deep! I tell ya Grampa's nothin but addin weight to this ship! I hope he gets killed soon. He's been huggin that rifle again. I think he's plottin t' kill me. I gona get 'em but good.
I buried the chicken. I named it Girl 2, and it aint nothin but dead now. I guess Girl's gone fo' good.
Narrator:
September 14, 1840
Getting low on meat, so we butchered a pig.
Entry:
Keith and Will complained about it. So I made Grampa go do it. If I get sick. I gonna get 'em.
Narrator:
September 15, 1840
Felt somewhat weary today. Passed Ice Spring Slough.
Entry:
I feel like everyone's plottin against me. Y' can't trust no one no more. My arm is hurtin so bad. I think it drivin me insane! I gave Will a black eye this mornin cuz he was all jokin 'bout it and stuff.
Narrator:
September 17, 1840
Our wagon tipped over. We lost 1 10-bar box of soap; 1 pair of socks; 1 tin cup; 1 25-lb. keg of gunpowder; 1 8-oz. bottle of witch hazel; and various other items.
Entry:
Who ever thought you could fall Up a hill? I tell ya. This trip aint nothin but screwy!
Narrator:
September 19, 1840
The trail continues to provide wonders and surprises! Today we made it to Final Sweetwater River Crossing.
Fording the river looks to be our best option.
Entry;
I knew we'd make it! cuz I pushed ol' Grampa into the river half way. You shoulda seen how he swam ashore! It was a site lemme tell ya!
Narrator:
September 20, 1840
Butchered a pig for some meat today.
Entry:
I gave Will a black eye for bitchin about bein hungry. So I made him go kill his pet pig which he named Shirly. I tell ya, he's been cryin all day. I had t' beat him again but good for complainin about bein hungry again.
Narrator:
September 22, 1840
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We did not have any luck.
Went gathering. We found poisonous Black Nightshade berries, edible Evening Primrose leaves and roots, edible Sumac berries and edible Plantain leaves.
Saw an empty wagon abandoned on the trail today near Pacific Springs. If it could talk, what stories it might tell!
Entry:
I made Will go fetch us some "Plant's" Cuz the huntin' wasn't goin all good. I tel ya' Ol' Grampa can't hunt t' save his life! He's been bitchin' about his stomach all feelin funny. I reckon'
I tell ya. Will thinkin that a Wagon can talk I tell ya I cracked him over his head good. He's been bleedin all day. But I tell he's nothin but a foo'.
Narrator:
September 23, 1840
Grampa came down with a bad cold, and I decided to continue as usual.
Keith has food poisoning, and we're planning to continue as usual.
From our guidebook, estimated we would reach Dry Sandy today, and sure enough, there it was!
Entry:
Hah Tarnations! Grampa's gone and gotten himself all sick like. I tell ya. He aint nothin' but fakin it. I told him to go walk it off.
I tell ya Keith and his stories! How come I neve' get "Food Poisoning" I tell ya. He's just complainin all the time!
Narrator:
September 24, 1840
Just heard that there's quicksand ahead. Looks like we'll continue as usual.
The animals are exhausted and can't continue. I've decided to double-team the animals.
Entry:
Whats this.. "Quicksand?" I never heard' sucha thing in my life! I think it's Ol Grampa trynna get us to turn all around like.
These animal's are nothin but whiny cowards too! I not gonna' let 'em rest ever!
September 30, 1840
Broke a wagon wheel today. We will try to repair it._
We were unable to make the repair.
We were able to replace it from supplies.
One of the oxen was injured. It looks like we’ll have to abandon injured animal.
Entry:
I tell ya' Ol' Grampa broke it I made him go fix it all up. But he couldn't so I had to hit him good. I made Will go fetch the supplies and repair it and he did it no problem. So Grampa aint jnothin but a coward!
These animal's get all "Injured" on me. So I leave em there. Nothin but a disgrace anyway! I hope it gets what commin to it!
Narrator:
October 1, 1840
We are near starvation because we have no food. I've decided to continue.
Entry:
I don't know why everyone's all complainin. I have all the food I want. I'm the only one who matters on this trip anyway. Grampa's all cryin and Will and Keith aint nothinb ut the same. I feel like bustin 'em good.
Narrator:
October 2, 1840
We are near starvation because we have no food. I've decided to kill a draft animal for food.
Entry:
I shot Ol Grampa's prized Horse. He used to use it as his Racin horse back in the day. So I shot it 'good. He's been nothin but complainin all trip anyway. So I figure if he gonna keep complainin about bein all hungry. I kill somethin he values. He nothin but a jerk anyway.
Narrator:
October 3, 1840
We suffered a terrible loss. Grampa has died of starvation. We plan to continue immediately.
Entry:
I hope that good f'nothin Ol Grampa rots in the dirt. He complained about everythin. I gave him food, gave him medicine, gave him a trip to Africa. But he aint nothin no more. I gave him a good ol' kick in the stomach and left him there.
I wish ol' Girl was here to see this. She woulda been laughin all funny like.
Will and Keith are startin to get all scared now. They been huggin ol' Grampa's gun all day. I tell ya, my arm is really startin t' hurt now.
Narrator:
October 5, 1840
Enjoyed a cup of coffee with Mr. Lumare today at noon near Church Butte.
Went gathering. We found edible Pinyon Pine seeds, edible Burdock roots, edible Salsify roots and edible Black Mustard greens.
Went gathering. We found edible Black Mustard greens, edible acorns, edible Chickory leaves and roots and poisonous Locoweed pods.
Went gathering. We found edible Sow Thistle leaves, poisonous Locoweed pods, edible Sunflower seeds and poisonous Henbane berries.
Went gathering. We found edible Salsify roots, edible Juniper berries, poisonous Henbane berries and edible Pinyon Pine seeds.
We stopped along the trail to hunt. We obtained 10 pounds of meat.
Entry:
This coffee was good! Cuz I made it. Everyone else is complainin that it tastes "funny" like. I tell ya. They aint nothin but savages. I smacked Will but good for complainin this time.
I made Kieth go pick some berries. This Locoweed is pretty tasty I tell ya!
Will and Keith have been lookin at me kinda funny, like they know somethin's up! So I stopped eatin it, and put it all in their plates when they wasn't lookin, so if it was poison, they gonna get it!
Narrator:
October 6, 1840
I just learned that I have an infection. I decided to apply antiseptic to wound.
Will Smith has food poisoning, and we're planning to continue as usual.
Keith has a bad case of food poisoning. I decided to continue as usual.
Entry:
My wound turns out to be "Infected" so I treated it but good!
I'm laughin now cuz I got Keith and Will good! they been complainin about their' stomach's hurtin. So I made them go walk it off. I knew they was trynna poison me. So I got 'em good!
Narrator:
October 8, 1840
Today we reached Name Rock.
October 9, 1840
Keith have an infection, and we're hoping to apply sulfur to wound.
Man I hope this Sulfur stuff works. It smells really funny like. So I poured the rest under Keith's pillo' and He's been cryin about it allll night. I got 'em good.
October 11, 1840
We were treated to a remarkably beautiful sunset near Blacks Fork Bend.
Went gathering. We found edible Sow Thistle leaves, edible Salsify roots, poisonous Locoweed pods and edible Dandelion leaves and roots.
This is the worst Fork I ever did saw. It just a pile o' leaves I tell ya!
I got some of that there.. Locoweed again. I hopin' that Keith eats it. Cuz I put it in their bean soup!
October 12, 1840
Keith has food poisoning, and we're planning to continue as usual.
China Town died.
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